Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
