I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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