I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
