you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
