i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
