i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
