so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
