forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
