Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
