What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
