you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
