Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
