the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
