Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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