I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
