all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
