i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
