Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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