Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
