That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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