threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
