I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
