Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
