guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
