That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
