'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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