I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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