she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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