So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
