and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
