I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
