know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
