it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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