turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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