I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sext me about skeletons
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
