a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
