How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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