Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
