Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He kissed a someone with a penis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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