I don't think brook has ever known best
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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