the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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