you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
