3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
