"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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