I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
