Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
