Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
