He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
