I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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