I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
