Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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